She is dead. I am overcome with grief. I haven’t stopped crying since this morning. I don’t grasp what’s going on. That’s it. Yes, time has stopped. One just can’t imagine the pain. I long to see her again. This moment was something I had never imagined or foreseen. I preferred it when she was crazy.
I want to throw up, my head is aching. I had all that time to get closer to her and I didn’t make the most of it. not to have realized yesterday that I might be seeing her for the last time.